Talking to Your Provider About Sex
A cancer diagnosis brings a flood of thoughts, emotions and questions. Am I going to live? Will I be able to have children? What if I can’t work while I undergo treatment? How will I tell my children? A very important question that isn’t always top of mind but should be is how will cancer and treatment affect my sex life?
Sex may not have been top of mind after a diagnosis. And admittedly, some people may feel guilty thinking about sex when the priority is surviving. Sex and intimacy are important parts of the human experience and contribute significantly to quality of life. Understanding how these areas are impacted by cancer and what options are available to you allows you to be empowered to make the decisions possible and ensure a good quality of life. Admittedly, discussing sexual health can be challenging for patients and caregivers, especially if you are uncertain how your provider will respond.
Begin by knowing that cancer commonly affects an individual’s sexual health and your provider is aware of this. Next, approach your provider with a specific concern at the start of your next visit. Tell your provider your sexual health is important to you and you have a concern you want to discuss.
Write down your concern and state that you would like to end the visit with specific suggestions about how to address it. This will help if you anticipate feeling anxious or uncomfortable. For example, you might say, “I have noticed that my level of sexual desire has decreased considerably since I started taking the medication that was prescribed. I’d like to understand why this is. And I’d like some suggestions on how to address this.”
Having your spouse or partner with you will help you feel supported and they can help you remember what was said. If your provider seems dismissive or is not able to offer specific suggestions, ask them to send you to someone with sexual health expertise. This might be a medical or nursing professional or a counselor to help you address your relationship’s sexual health.
Finally, ask for resources that deal specifically with cancer’s effect on sexual health. Be persistent. In the meantime, know that sexual health is an important aspect of quality of life for many patients and that healthcare providers do want to talk with you about it.
Visit Cancer.org/SideEffects to learn more about how to manage cancer-related side effects including fertility and sexual concerns.