From Child to Caregiver

Many of us live our lives lucky enough to be nurtured by our parents.

But what happens when cancer flips that relationship, and suddenly, it’s our turn to take care of them?

The hugs and kisses you crave on a bad day — you now provide after they just sat through eight hours of infusion. The comforting words we love to hear, like “I’m so proud of you” and “I love you,” become ones you say over and over, because those claustrophobic scans are scary and loud.

The personality traits that made you bicker now become moments of understanding, as you try to make sure your parent is eating since chemotherapy has made them lose 20 pounds. “I need help” turns into “how can I help?” as they lose their ability to walk. A home-cooked meal is no longer a simple act of love but just one item on an ever-growing to-do list to keep up the house they raised you in.

The “perfect child” becomes the imperfect parent, returning the love and care they once received so freely from their parents.

My advice to anyone taking care of their parent with cancer is to handle each day with grace, humility and patience. Being a perfectionist myself, I would be lying if I said I took this advice all the time. While those words sound easy and elegant, taking care of my dad as a 23-year-old got very difficult and messy at times.

“They grow up so fast” turned into my tagline, as I tried to navigate the unknown, which I quickly accepted was impossible.

Accept the chaos, take advantage of the learning opportunities and allow discomfort. I have found that there is beauty and lessons to be learned from being imperfect, the imperfect parent.

Visit Moffitt.org/InItTogether to hear more stories from people whose loved ones have been diagnosed with cancer.

This story was originally published in the PARTNERS newsletter. Visit Moffitt.org/PARTNERS for more stories and to learn more.