The Accidental Caregiver

When a cancer diagnosis enters your life, you're quickly surrounded by professional caregivers, people who are educated, trained and committed to taking care of us and helping us get better. But there are also accidental caregivers, who find themselves in this role with little understanding or experience, fearful and nervous about doing it right and wishing it was all a bad dream. That was me.

For 33 years, my wife Lynn and I had a wonderful life together. We raised two amazing kids, navigating all the burps and hiccups, and everyday moments that come with life and a long-lasting love. Cancer was like a car crash that sent us both to the hospital, one as a patient and the other as an accidental caregiver. Neither of us were comfortable in these new, horribly unwelcome roles, but we just had to figure it out, together.

Lynn fought her cancer surrounded by doctors, nurses, technicians and so many other professional caregivers dedicated to helping her heal. Meanwhile, I often felt unprepared and unable to relieve her pain or find the answers to our problems. I organized meds, planned meals, did laundry, tried to understand test results, and most importantly, shared so many laughs with her, and gave her all my love.

Over time, I realized that being an accidental caregiver was just as important as being a professional caregiver. We were both doing the best we could for Lynn.

If you ever find yourself in the role of accidental caregiver and need support, information or perspective, Moffitt offers a range of online resources.

Peace to all the caregivers and the people they love.

Visit Moffitt.org/Caregivers-Families to learn more about resources available for caregivers. Check out Moffitt.org/InItTogether Moffitt’s podcast for caregivers.

This story was originally published in the PARTNERS newsletter. Visit Moffitt.org/PARTNERS for more stories and to learn more.